Here’s the Answer from an Organizational Psychologist and Best-Selling Author.
Where are you in life today? Are you in a situation wherein you are craving for change, but you don’t know where to start?
Let’s get started in living a life with integrity, meaning, and purpose with Benjamin Hardy. Let’s begin the radical change by living a life with integrity, purpose, and meaning.
Before we start, let’s have a quick getting to know Benjamin Hardy. Who is he?
Benjamin Hardy is a known organizational psychologist and best-selling author of his book, Willpower Doesn’t Work, and Personality Isn’t Permanent. Other than a Ph.D. in Psychology, Benjamin is an entrepreneur.
Benjamin regularly contributes blogs featured on CNBC, Cheddar, Harvard Business Review, Forbes, Fortune, and New York Times. He is titled as the No. 1 writer in the world on Medium.com.
Now, Benjamin walks us to radical change. He strongly emphasized and addressed his talk at the TEDx Klagenfurt conference to people who are struggling in losing weight or having trouble getting rid of and correcting bad habits. He answered the question “why?” in his speech.
So, why do most people struggle when it comes to losing weight and getting rid of bad habits?
It is because of:
- Negative self-image.
- Not letting go of the past.
- Afraid of being judged.
- Setting goals for a limited time.
- Not appreciating failure.
- Not committed to the process of change.
Self-Image: Negative Self-Image Keeps You from Positive Change
“Your story about who you are and how you see yourself is generally a direct correlation with how you perform in the world. How you see yourself is how you act.” – Benjamin Hardy
Self-image is how you see yourself internally and externally. You manifest what you think. If your input is all about negativity and discouragement, it will affect your outlook and behavior. If you keep the negative self-perception, you will not change.
It influences how you interact with others and how you perceive your surroundings.
The first step to realign your habits is to accept and love yourself. If you cannot accept your strengths and drawbacks, you do not know where to start. When you recognize that there has to be a change in your habits, you need to start with your inputs.
Inputs and influences affect different aspects of our life. Rather than spending your time listening and reading unhelpful things on the radio or social media, retrain yourself to rebuild your self-perception.
Start by:
- Assessing yourself. Create a list of positive qualities and regularly remind yourself about them. Aside from the positive things, you have to identify the things you want to improve.
- Devour yourself in self-help books or conferences to help you retrain your mind. An altered identity will give you the strength to heed radical changes. If you have a positive self-image, you have the potential to boost your emotional, mental, physical, and social well-being.
- Make reasonable and actionable goals. Working towards the goal may be a rough path. Shower yourself with a positive affirmation.
When you are on the path of altering your identity and self-image, you may encounter discouragements. You have to remember that it is a long and challenging process. Our self-image is dynamic. It will vary, affecting the things we surround ourselves with, affecting how we grow and perceive ourselves.
Do not allow yourself to be stuck with a negative self-image.
Let’s take Benjamin’s friend, Tom Hartman, in the process of changing their bad habits. Tom was resistant to change. Fortunately, his brother convinced him to join and listen to Zig Ziglar’s motivational conference.
After the conference, he was encouraged to listen more to Zig’s talks. As Tom listens to Zig’s motivational talks for hours, he is actually rewiring his belief and reshaping his self-image.
Not Letting Go Of Your Past
If you cannot change the past, why do you have to continue living it? Not letting go of your past won’t help you achieve the change you want to have.
Luckily for Tom, his altered self-image made him let go of his past and help him reshape his future.
If you keep on living in the past, it will not get you anywhere. You will feel like a hamster running in the wheel– no matter the effort you exert, you cannot move forward if you are stuck in the past. Thus, you need to make a bold move to have a peak experience.
Now, what bold move did Tom do?
As Tom aims to lose weight, he did a courageous act of investing in two expensive suits. He bought two nicely fitted suits that cost over $700. Why did he invest in suits that are small for him?
Tom is not investing for his current self. He is doing it for his future self.
You have to cut off the emotional attachment you have with your past. The stories you have about yourself will shape you, but do not let them define your identity. If you let go of your past story, you are creating a space for a new one.
Most people struggle to let go of their past because they do not appreciate their present selves and have a hard time forgiving themselves. Let go of your past and forgive yourself. Bad habits can be corrected.
Your bad habits and mistakes are not the final destination. You can end the suffering and prepare yourself for the journey of radical change. Thus, even though you are struggling with your weight today, accept the fact and appreciate yourself for trying to lose weight.
Afraid of being judged
What people tell you affects your growth. That’s why most of us struggle to change because we are afraid of being judged or mocked.
It’s the same as what happened to Tom when he bought the expensive suit. The clerk held back his laugh because he couldn’t believe an oversized guy purchased a fitted suit.
Other than the fear of being judged and mocked, we are shaped by the things people made us believe. For example, Tom’s mom instilled the idea that they are the type of people who have a big body built and struggle with weight.
Tom had this thought on his mind.
However, these things did not stop him from changing his bad habits.
This is why I am the way I am, and this is who I am going to be.
That’s what Tom said to himself.
When you are struggling with getting away with misjudgments. Take these steps:
1. Do not let others define you.
Did Tom blame his mother? No, he did not. Blaming others will only make you lose control of the situation. If you blame it on others, you are letting them define how you live.
2. Don’t take personal offense.
If someone mocks or criticizes you, do not immediately take it personally. Remind yourself that their opinion comes from their limited perception of you. They do not know your daily struggles. Thus, their opinion doesn’t truly matter.
It takes a lot of strength to shrug off and not make judgments as a personal offense, especially when you hear it from someone close to you. However, that’s the best you can do to keep yourself grounded.
3. Cut unhealthy people off.
Receiving destructive and offensive judgments without any compassion and helpful feedback is detrimental to your mental health. It’s best to leave the situation and cut them off. Limit your relationship with these kinds of people.
If you are in a negative environment, especially with people you care about, it will quickly and significantly affect your personal growth and happiness. Surround yourself with people who care about your well-being and help you improve yourself by giving out helpful feedback.
You cannot control what people say or do, but you can control how you react. If you focus on other people’s opinions, it will distract you from achieving your goal. Thus, keep control of the things you can manage and live your life on your terms. Do not dwell on someone else’s perception of you.
Setting goals for a limited time
“Trying something for a year is not a way to change your behavior because changing your behavior has to be first to shift an identity.”
If you set your goals for a limited time, it will only become a setback. A 30-day diet or trying something for a year is not the solution to change your bad habits. You need to alter your identity to change your behavior.
An unchanged identity and behavior will not help you achieve your goals, no matter how hard you work for them.
So, how can you set goals realistically and in a timely manner?
1. Unleash your ambition, dream big, put your reservations aside.
Ensure that your goal is SMART– specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Although dreaming big is the best you can do, you need to be honest with yourself whether you can attain it in a short time.
Let’s say you aim to lose weight. If your goal is to become half your current weight, can you do it in a month? Clearly not, right? Instead, calculate it possibly in a possible manner.
2. Do not underestimate the completion time.
How often have you experienced that achieving a goal or finishing a task is longer than you imagined? Probably more than you can remember.
You have to estimate your goal accurately. If you keep on underestimating your completion time, it may discourage you as you no longer achieve your goals the way you should.
Use effective scheduling strategies when you plan your goals. Follow your timeline and account for delays or setbacks. Also, it is best to add extra time to your estimate to feel less pressure.
3. Set small sub-goals.
When you set small sub-goals will help you celebrate small wins. No matter how slow your progress is, you are still making one. Setting sub-goals help you review your progress and update your goals.
Everything takes time. Do not rush.
Not appreciating failure.
It takes time to accomplish your goals, and sometimes you feel you aren’t progressing much, or worse, you fail to achieve your goals from time to time.
As much as failure hurts, it is a necessary stage. In every process, there will always be a failure. Nothing is perfect.
Failures and setbacks ultimately determine your character. It’s within these moments you will have to learn lessons that can change your life for the best. Have the courage to appreciate and learn from your failures.
Why is it necessary to fail?
1. Gives you more experience.
The first-hand experience gives us a deeper understanding of the goal we want to achieve. When we experience failure, it changes our perspective. It makes us reflect on the nature of things and their importance in our lives.
2. First-hand knowledge.
Aside from the experience, it gives us additional knowledge making us more prepared for the future. When Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times when he invented the electric lightbulb, he gained an accumulated knowledge from the several attempts he made, which led to success.
3. Build resilience.
When we experience failure, we become more resilient.
If you want to achieve the success you want to earn, you have to know how to become resilient. Resilience helps us succeed by helping us grow and improve. Without resilience, we cannot overcome any adversity the process will throw at us.
Do not sulk over your mistakes. Instead, take note of what went wrong and use your knowledge and understanding to improve your ways to achieve your goals next time.
Living a comfortable and safe life isn’t really living. Make mistakes, accept failure, and learn from them.
Not committed to the process of change.
Now that you know the process of change is not limited, how long and committed are you to this change?
“100% commitment is easier than 98% commitment.” – Clayton Christensen
What does the quote mean? Well, if you are only 98% committed, you are not actually and truly committed. You are not fully there or you haven’t made the decision. When you are not fully committed, you are not sure what you are doing.
When you are not fully committed, you are easily swayed by decisions. If you want to lose weight yet there’s a tempting delicious dessert right in front of you, you will experience a mental tug-of-war or decision fatigue.
Decision fatigue is the willpower or the moment when you haven’t made a choice yet and you are not sure what you are going to do. Since you are unsure, at often times, the situation wins.
How to escape willpower?
1. Know what you truly want.
Put a stop to the internal debate. Make a decision. Take your decisions and goals seriously. You know you are committed when you start investing upfront, making your goals public, setting a timeline, listening to helpful feedback, and altering your input to help your commitment goals.
2. Overcome your environment.
No matter how committed you are, if you fail to change your behavior, you will still struggle with succeeding. You need to overcome your current environment to resolve your internal doubts.
If you are trying to lose weight, you have to stop the unhealthy eating habits and go to restaurants that serve you unhealthy foods. If you don’t, then your willpower will fail you.
You have to truly decide that you are committed and create an environment that will help you with your success.
“Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again.” – Michael Jordan
Are you ready for change?
Is there something that resists you for change? What are the things that hinders you? Maybe you’ve been trying it for a long time or you are on it for a year, yet there’s no progress. Well, change will take you years to arrive to the point where there’s no turning back.
When you have a strong desire to achieve your goals, you will be surprised that you possess superhuman powers.
If you are still struggling and using your willpower, then:
- Negative self-image.
- Not letting go of the past.
- Afraid of being judged.
- Setting goals for a limited time.
- Not appreciating failure.
- Not committed to the process of change.
Now, you get the gist. You are now closer to who you are becoming.
References:
The 100 Percent rule that will change your LIFE: Benjamin hardy. (n.d.). Retrieved March 27, 2021, from https://success4.com/blog/the-100-percent-rule-that-will-change-your-life-benjamin-hardy/
S, P. (2020, March 31). The 100 Percent rule that will change your LIFE: Benjamin Hardy (Transcript). Retrieved March 27, 2021, from https://singjupost.com/the-100-percent-rule-that-will-change-your-life-benjamin-hardy-transcript/?singlepage=1
TEDxTalks (Director). (2019, August 01). The 100 Percent rule that will change your life | benjamin Hardy | TEDxKlagenfurt [Video file]. Retrieved March 27, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj-91dMvQQo
